Mystery #111 - Global Warming

About a year ago I subjected you all to a rather graphic rant about Santa and projectile vomiting (Mystery #137!!!). It's been a long time, so I figured I owed ya'll a blog. Merry Christmas from me to you.

Joey Presents: Great Mysteries of the Universe
Mystery #111 - Global Warming

Just last week I was standing on my porch wearing shorts and a t-shirt and watching the rain. My Arizonan readers will know, of course, that rain outside of the summer months is extremely rare. My sane readers will know, of course, that shorts weather days before Christmas is a ridiculous thing. “My,” I thought to myself, “This certainly is a Great Mystery.”

These days you’re always hearing the cons of Global Warming: “the glaciers are melting”, “we’ll all get skin cancer”, “the polar bears are dying”. You need only turn on your TV and be flooded by propaganda. I just can’t help but feel it’s all just a touch one-sided. 

“But Joey... polar bears!” cry the zealots. Well you know what? Polar bears terrify me. Sometimes, I wake up in a cold sweat, thanking my sweet Lord for his ongoing protection from the White Menace. If you ask me, any enemy of the bears deserves our gratitude.

And know what hasn’t done a thing to protect us from polar bears? The freakin’ rainforest. Lame.