Finally jumping on the bandwagon… my 25 things!!!

False.

Joey Presents: Great Mysteries of the Universe

Mystery #108 – “25 things about me” blogs

I’m not even sure we can call it a bandwagon anymore, seeing as 90% of facebook now seems to be riding it. In my head, I picture something more like the field at the Cardinal’s stadium: some

huge, lurching monster on rails, loaded with college students.

It strikes me how easily we’ve given in to this, though. We’ve fought so fiercely to protect what is ours, first myspace and then facebook, from the toddlers on one side and the grown-ups on the other. We’ve been the guy sitting on the plane between two fat people, elbows working overtime at the armrests – “Hey, man, this is my domain. Find your own.” In a way, to me, this whole chain-letter-mania is finally the point where the fat flaps close in. The hipster suffocates silently in his sleep, his seat mates casting lots for his uneaten peanuts. My grandma sends me bumper stickers, and my little cousin updates his status at recess. Our world is finally, for the second time, taken over.

The question is, will we run again? Will there be yet another internet promise land to hold our generation of hipster web-refugees? Probably, but until some new, awesome place is founded which is totally for young people only and where adults will totally never understand, man, we seem to be getting along pretty well sharing the sandbox.

Oh and, uh, forward this blog to thirty of your closest friends or unicorns will eat all your underpants.

(Note: I realize the joke of this blog loses its luster when not on facebook. Deal with it.)

Mystery #Applesauce - A special, greatly mysterious announcement

I understand posting this here is stupid and redundant and stupid. However, I consider this canon and the whole point of this website is to be your one-stop shop for unabridged Great Mystery awesomeness. So yeah. Papow.

Joey Presents: Great Mysteries of the Universe

Mystery #Applesauce - A special, greatly mysterious announcement

Okay, so I didn't want to dignify this with a number, but I have some news which may very well interest none of you. On the other hand, maybe the following will somehow provide the key to your happiness. Perhaps there will be parades, and great improvised song-and-dance numbers in the streets. Maybe they'll build a statue in my honor. Of horses. For 1.5 million dollars.

Sorry. Anyways, I've been writing these stupid, stupid blogs for coming up on two years now. They started as a bored day on Myspace and kind of grew into... something else. I'm not sure what to call it. A big pile of whims that some people pay attention to? Social commentary? Stupid jokes? Meh. Anyways, some of you who have been reading since the beginning (#172, to be exact) will note that nowhere except my computer can all the blogs be found in one place. Plus, I feel lame writing a blog that only gets published to my social networking site. So, for a little while now I've been working on getting the Great Mystery archives posted to a blogger.com account. It isn't super polished yet, but all that I need to tweak are some finishing touches (better layout, some sort of introduction banner, etc.) and I have finally gotten every last blog to date uploaded. So, without further ado, the new home of Joey Presents: Great Mysteries of the Universe

www.gmotu.blogspot.com

Not sure yet what this means for the future of the blog. I'll post both here and the blogger site for awhile, but unless I get requests from ya'll to keep the facebook posts coming (gesture to comment section) I'll probably eventually move the whole operation to the website. Either way, I'm excited to make the switch as we continue our way through an increasingly Mysterious universe toward truth, enlightenment, and Great Mystery #1. Night, folks.

-jo

Mystery #109 – 83% of this blog is about Statistics

Joey Presents: Great Mysteries of the Universe
Mystery #109 – 83% of this blog is about Statistics

 

I made that number up. I’m sorry.

 

…

 

My statistics professor seems to be employed by ASU for the express purpose of driving me to suicide. I do not understand precisely why. Perhaps they want my scholarship money back.

 

Three times a week, I start my morning with a magical romp through her whimsical world, learning such gems as: how to draw bar graphs, the proper technique for dividing a pie chart, and (as I write this) how to use the arrow keys to navigate your calculator’s menu. Seriously, she’s talking about it right now. She just drew a diagram on the board. It looks like this. 

And then my brain imploded.