Sunday, December 30, 2007

Mystery #135 – Shaken Baby Syndrome


Joey Presents: Great Mysteries of the Universe
Mystery #135 – Shaken Baby Syndrome

There are certain things made to be shaken: chocolate milk, James Bond’s martinis, and, in some cases, yo’ laffy taffy. Shaking these things is good, it gives one a sense of satisfaction. “Yes,” you say to yourself, “I shook to the best of my ability.”

Why the hell would you shake a baby? I mean, I know why you shake a baby, because it won’t stop crying and mama is tryin’ to watch her stories, but where is the logic? How many things make LESS noise when shaken? Maracas? Rain sticks? Tambourines? Shaking generally means louder. You want your baby to shut up, you slip it a roofie.

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