Mystery #162 - Piracy

Joey Presents: Great Mysteries of the Universe Mystery #162 - Piracy **Writers note: all italics are to be read in your best pirate voice. If you can't do a pirate voice, well, imagine a pirate reading it in HIS best pirate voice. Merriam-Webster's definition for Piracy is as follows...  Main Entry: pi·ra·cy Pronunciation: 'pI-r&-sE Function: noun 1 : an act of robbery on the high seas; also : an act resembling such robbery 2 : robbery on the high seas 3 a : the unauthorized use of another's production, invention, or conception especially in infringement of a copyright b : the illicit accessing of broadcast signals Now, let me point out something odd about entries 1-2 versus entry 3 for ya. The first deals with stealing from people on boats (like a pirate), the second is the act of stealing from people on boats (...still like a pirate), and the third is downloading music illegally. What?!?!? Now I'm sorry, MGM records, but there is definitely a difference between Captain Blackbeard, the fiercest pirate in these here waters, and my friend Jim who downloads the Spice Girls off Kazaa. I just don't see why the word "robbery" wouldn't do in this situation? What uptight idiot decided that stealing music was on par with slaughterin' landlubbers for their booty? Do these white-collar bozos actually BELEIEVE that somewhere, deep in the darkest reaches of cyberspace, crews of scurvy mateys gather on the poop deck around their laptops when suddenly ole Jim Crowxly stands in triumph and yells "Yarr, got me another one! May the Lorrrrd be blessin thee, Limewirrrre! Arrr!" I mean good golly, what next? I'll tell ya what: a future of children afraid to seat jack, for fear of committing a "tactical cross-border assault".